I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
