very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dick very happy bro
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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