got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we're making bets on your personal life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
