Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
