I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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