tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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