I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
