When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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