Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
