from now on my penis is your penis
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
