They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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