PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
