my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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