First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
