i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
