# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
