Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize