420 ftw
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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