the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
only you would photoshop your dick
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
