She is in my trunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
