just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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