There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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