Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
