Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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