yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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