he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
