There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
