I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
