remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
