you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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