Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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