Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry about my life...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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