You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
