if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
