I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have tasted many bathrooms
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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