woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
