I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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