When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
