i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
