So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
