How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
