I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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