I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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