She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize