From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
