i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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