I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
