Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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