Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love having hate sex.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
dude. I can hear the air.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
