Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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