p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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