Welp...herpes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize