Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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