she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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