meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
jump out the window naked night went bad
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