Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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