I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
