she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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