My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
