I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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