I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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