..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
