literally had 100 drinks last night.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
