Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
