Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
