I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
