Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
