i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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